My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
