I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
