On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Randomize
