hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
