I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Randomize
