sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
