Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
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