how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
