You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
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