so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
i will never coherently bang her
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
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