My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
