I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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