watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Your penis caused this!
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