But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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