Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
