he puts the penis in happiness.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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