distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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