so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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