im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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