i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
