These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
