Already got asked if we're dating
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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