I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
