I wish my penis had an off switch
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
