the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
