yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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