I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Randomize
