it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Randomize
