btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
