First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
