OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
