theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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