I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
