And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
