Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
