wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
