4 words: hood of his car
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
