Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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