Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
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