thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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