So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
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