STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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