i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
