Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
