Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
