you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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