I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
