So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
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