She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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