he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
You need Xanax blowdarts
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
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