We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I'm like, not good at living.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
