"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
