I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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