The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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